How To Destroy An Angel
by MURDEROTICA
Summary: SIDepression. Not your typical I love you I love you too fic.
1. Confession

**Disclaimers / Author Notes.**  
I feel like they're aren't enough people that write SI/Depression stories. So I had a go at it.  
The song "How To Destroy An Angel" is written & preformed by DeadStar Assembly.  
Feel free to read & review; critisisms are much appreciated.  
I know this fic is short, but I think that it adds to the story in some way.  
Hastey decisions like these often do happen, as much as we don't think they do.

The sun began to set on the now quiet ocean horizon. A flock of seagulls few towards the smoldering orb of light, soon disappearing out of sight. There was a light breeze coming off the sea, creating a comforting and relaxing aroma that filled a safe house that stood strong on the beach. The sky was like a beautiful painting - Full of brilliant colors that made the world seem almost peaceful. However, with the war that still continued, peace was something that people only dreamed about.

The house was small and quaint; just big enough for the five that dwelled there. Facing the beach was a decent size balcony with a sturdy metal railing surrounding it. Two pilots of the five that occupied the house stand on that second story padio, gazing out into the sunset. One had light blonde hair, whos bangs were shagged in front of his eyes. The other had a glorious chestnut brown braid that was almost appeared as a snake slithering down his back. Both of the pilots had calm expressions across their face, though neither of them were calm at heart.

"Ne, Duo...How many people do you think we killed today?"

"Aw, Q-man I try not to think about it."

The blonde nodded. "You're right..." He looked around curiously, then fixed his eyes on the man before him. It took Duo a while to realize he was being stared at. He smiled.

"What?"

"Have you told him yet?"

Duo's smile faded, and a look of dispair and uneasy-ness came over him. Closing his eyes, he folded his arms and buried his head in them, leaning against the railing that was across the balcony. Sighing, Quatre knew the answer to the question and shook his head.

"You know, Duo, you're not going to accomplish anything by keeping quiet about it. Tell him."

"It's not that easy, Q-Man. He's so serious...He'd freak out if anyone showed emotion towards him."

"Maybe you could forget about what the 'perfect soldier' acts like. I'm sure deep down, he feels emotion, and he'd completely understand. I sense a lot of things, Duo. I'm sure he feels the same way about you."

Duo chuckled. "Heh, he couldn't. He couldn't love me. He's all hot and bothered by that Relena chick...Me? I'm just his partner in crime. At least I think so. He probably just see's me as a comrade in war. Nothing else. Once the war is over...I'll be lost. Forgotten. He won't remember me."

Taking a deep breath, the Arabian sighed. "Tell him! Forget about what could happen, forget about the war, forget about Relena, forget about the thoughts in that thick head of yours, forget about everything! Listen to your heart, go inside, and just tell him!"

Duo picked up his head, arms still folded on the railing. He looked at Quatre, and he knew that he was right. Duo just didn't know how to actually bring this up when talking to Heero about it. He sighed, looking in front of him at the now totally dark horizon. Shaking his head slightly and standing up straight, he put a smile on his face and headed inside. Now was the time to tell Heero. Whether he was ready for this or not, he was going to do it either way. Glancing at Quatre, he said 'I'll be back', then walked into the house.

Quatre smiled, making a fist with his hand and holding it next to his heart. "Good luck."

Duo slowly trotted down the stairs into the basement Heero stayed in. Heero liked the basement - It set him off from all the rest of the pilots and gave him a quiet place to work and type up reports. The room was simple. It consited of a full size bed, a desk, and a small bathroom off to the side. There were no windows; The only light that illuminated the room was a small table lamp that was set next to Heero's lap top. Duo reached the end of the stairs and came to a closed door that separated him and Heero. Wiping his now sweaty palms against his black slacks, he knocked.

No answer.

"Hey buddy, can I talk to ya for a second?"

Just as he was about to turn away, he recieved a quiet, yet deep "Hn" from the other side. Duo smiled, knowing Heero wasn't that much of a linguist. He turned the knob and found Heero sitting in front of his computer. The light from the screen illuminated his face, showing a deep, concentrated expression. Duo walked in, closed the door and made his way to the bed, since that was the only place left to sit.

He chuckled a bit, a hint of nervousness in the sound. "Rough day, huh?"

"Is that all you came in here to ask me?"

"No...I uh...Was just making conversation."

"Well get on with what you wanted to talk to me about. I'm really busy."

'I can't believe I love a cold bastard like you.' Duo thought. He smiled and walked over to Heero, sitting cross-legged on the floor next to him. He looked at his well-built body, his eyes going up and down the trim figure in front of him. Heero noticed the staring but he didn't say anything - Still continuing to type up mission reports. 'Just tell him. Say the three stupid words that mean so much and just wait for a response. Thats all you have to do.' He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and nodded. 'Okay. Here goes...'

"I love you."

His voice was quiet, it was as if it was almost a whisper. Duo heard the clicking from the keyboard stop, and then there was silence. His eyes were still closed. Maybe he thought that if he couldn't see Heero's reaction, it wouldn't be so bad. After what seemed like forever, Heero's typing continued, sound once again filling the air. Duo opened his eyes and let out a light chuckle.

"Heh, Heero...?"

"Hn."

"So, that's what I get? I tell you how I feel and you just ignore me? Goddamnit, Heero. You're a real selfish bastard."

"Go away, Duo."

"I tell you how I feel and you tell me to go away? You can't even give me a response!"

By now tears were filling up in Duo's violet eyes, but he wouldn't let them fall. Not until he got a definate answer from the perfect soldier. He's waited so long to tell him how he felt and he's not going to let this go un- answered. Heero means too much to him. He just needs to know...

"Heero, answer me!"

Heero stopped typing and immediately threw a fist and hit Duo in the face. Blood speckled the white carpeting, as Duo's lip was slashed. He stared at the carpet in disbelief of what had just happened, not wanting to believe that Heero had just hit him. Duo looked up, only to find Heero typing on his computer again, as if nothing had happened. All of the waiting, the nervous feelings, the love he felt for the Wing pilot...For this? For a probably broken jaw and heartache? And Heero feels nothing? No regret? No apologies? Was this really worth it?

Duo shakily stood up and walked towards the door. Before leaving he looked back at Heero and began to cry. He ran up the stairs and past the three other pilots. Quatre stood up with a worried look on his face. Trowa and Wufei only stared at the Deathscythe pilot, not knowing what had happened. Quatre knew, though, and immediately felt so sorry for his fellow commrade.

"Duo..."

Dashing out of the safe house, Shinigami ran down the street of the oceanic city, tears streaming down his face. He felt so alone, so hurt, so broken...

I'll teach you how to destroy an angel /

Cross a shadow across my face /

It's the face of a young man /

Let go a self-fulfilling dream /

Even though it means alot to me /


	2. Bottom Of The Bottle

His frantic run had toned down into a saddened walk, as the pilot known as Shinigami trudged down the streets of the town. The tears that fell from his eyes dripped down his ivory skin, and reached the now swollen and bloodied jaw. He recieved suspicious stares from onlookers, though no one stopped to ask him what was wrong. He was hurt. The love he felt for the Wing pilot was more than he has ever felt before. He do anything to be with him...But now it was clear that that would never happen. His prayers wouldn't be answered, and he wouldn't be complete. Duo was alone.

He came to a street corner and looked at the sign that buzzed with neon lights above him. It was a bar. He lazily pushed the door open and walked to the counter, sitting on one of the sticky stools. He held his head in his hands, being careful not to touch the swollen lump on his face. He just wanted to forget tonight. Forget the war. Forget about Heero. Forget everything.

"Well now, that frown doesn't suit you one bit. What can I get you, handsome?"

Bloodshot and tearfilled eyes looked up at the bouncy female bartender. "Vodka.", Duo muttered, his voice cracked and deeper than usual.

She poured a shot glass full of the clear liquid, handing it to the braided man infront of him with a smile and a wink.

"Leave the bottle."

Taking the shot, he poured himself another, and another, and another. Eventually he just started to drink out of the bottle that was left. Duo didn't care about the couple fighting behind him, or the five dollar prostitutes sitting in the corner. He didn't care about the yelling and the screaming and the fighting going on in the bar. He became completely numb. Entirely immune to everything surrounding him and all the thoughts in his head. Nothing mattered anymore. He liked being like this. All his life Duo had been alone. His face showed no sign of loneliness, however. He was always happy, convinced that someone would come along and be his friend. All in all, he was content with life. Finally, he had met Heero. They were completely oppisite in every aspect of life. Heero was cold and bitter, while Duo was charasmatic and chipper. Though there was something about the perfect soldier that sparked intrest in Duo. He was mysterious, dark, and honestly...Really handsome. He never meant to fall in love with him, but through the many phases and months in and out of war, he couldn't help it. Hell, they were around each other all the time. It was inevitable. But tonight destroyed anything he had every hoped for. Duo thought that maybe...Just maybe Heero would feel the same and everything would be perfect in his life. The war wouldn't matter at all. Just him and Heero. Together. Finally. However the large, swollen, bloody bruise was the hint he needed to convince himself that it would never happen. Who was he kidding? Heero would never love him back. 'Love' wasn't in Heero's vocabulary. He was trained to kill. Not trained to love.

'Why bother to even try, anymore?' Duo thought. By now, his bottle of vodka was empty, and the bar he was in was slowly beginning to empty. He glanced at his watch. '4:30...' Sighing, he stumbled out of his chair, and threw the bottle against a wall, nearly missing the skanks fondling rich businessmen.

"FUCK YOU, YUY!"

It doesn't matter I'm outta place /

It's the place of a shunned man /

We're given wings /

But then they're taken away /

He angrily walked out of the bar, heading back into the direction he had come from. He didn't want to go back there, but he had to. Quatre and the others must have been worried about him. All except Heero, of course.

"Heh. Worried about me? A loveless bastard? I hurt more people than I help! Hell, I kill hundreds every damned day! They don't need me...They'd be fine without me. No more annoying Duo that rants and raves on and on about stupid shit during missions. No more Duo to yell at for drinking the last soda in the fridge. No more Duo to pick on. No more Duo to sing in the shower. No more Duo. No...More..."

He stopped talking and looked up at the safe house with a few lights still on in the windows. He didn't want to go back. He didn't want to go and see Heero again. Not after what happened. He had no where else to go, though. 'Maybe I'll just sneak in and head to my room right away. Then no one will notice me. That's it. And if I do walk past people, I'll just ignore them...Stealth, Duo. Stealth.'. He clenched his stomach and tightly closed his eyes.

"Oh man..."

Duo felt a warm sensation rising from his stomach up into this throat. He threw up on the sidewalk he was standing on, then shook his head and coughed a little, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. 'Damnit...' Finally after getting his composure back, he slowly began walking towards the house. Glazed violet eyes shined from the light coming down from the windows. With every step he wanted to cry again. With every step another tear formed in his eyes. With every step he got more and more depressed. He reached the door. Putting a shaky hand on the knob, he turned it, entering the house.

I'll teach you how to destroy an angel /

I'll teach you how to destroy yourself /

Cast the darkness across this place /

It's the place of a dead man /

Take a look into this casualty /

Even though theres not much to see /


	3. Duo's Braid

Duo quietly walked into the large house, trying to be as 'stealthy' as possible. Although, when you're completely wasted, it doesn't work too well. He smashed his shin into a table and cursed loudly, abruptly alerting Quatre that he had returned home. The Arabian ran to his side, a worried expression on his face.

"Duo, thank God! Where have you been! I've been worried sick! What happened with Heero!"

Duo just glared at his friend, wanting to go to his room as quickly as possible. "Just leave me alone, Quat," he slurred, lightly pushing his friend aside.

He stumbled up the stairs and into his room, where he shut the door and locked it behind him. His vision kept going in and out of fuzziness as he walked over to a bedstand and opened a drawer, grabbing a box cutter. He went into his attached bathroom and closed the door, locking that as well. Duo looked at his reflection in the mirror, disgusted with himself. The swollen bruise hadn't decreased in size, in fact it appeared to him it was getting bigger. He sighed.

"You're nothing without him, Maxwell."

He looked down in his hand and pushed up the blade from the box cutter, and ran it down his scar-ridden arm. He didn't like to cut. He hadn't done it in such a long time. But he felt he had to. At first he was just making deep cuts on his arm, although being in the drunken state he was in, he hardly felt any sort of pain or sting. The blood pooled out of the gashes; droplets of the red substance fell to the floor. Duo leaned up against the cool tile in his shower, slowly sliding down, sitting in the tub. He was crying, streams of tears wouldn't cease falling down his face. He looked at his arm, then closed his eyes.

'This is for you Heero. You were my one. You were my only. You were the only person I ever cared about. Yet you just shut me out of your life as if I'm nothing...I love you...'

Opening his eyes again he continued to stare at his arm. He brought up the blood-stained blade and began to carve letters into his skin. His breathing began to shorten, he would only take in a few deep breaths every minute or so, and he began to feel dizzy.

Eventually the letters spelled out "Heero" and "Lost" on his arm. The tub he was sitting in was blood stained. He obviously hit a very large vein - He never had bled this much before. Duo opened his eyes and turned on the shower, cold water stabbing his body like a thousand knvies all at once. The blood drained away, though the water was always red. No matter what, he kept bleeding, though. Duo didn't seem to care.

'I guess this is the end.'

He lengthened the blade a little bit more, and brought it back behind his head. Carefully, in one big slash, Duo had cut off his braid. The braid that symbolized happiness and hope now symbolized hate and regret. He threw it, along with the box cutter, to the ground, closing his eyes.

It doesn't matter /

Its all a waste /

It's the fate of a shunned man /

We're given wings /

But then they're taken away /

They're taken away /

They're fucking taken /

He was now coming in and out of consciousness, and didn't have the strength to move. Blood pooled around him. Glancing at his braid for the last time, he whispered, "There's your fucking prize, Yuy..." Tears met with blood as the God Of Death took one last breath.

You could destroy yourself /

You should destroy yourself /

I'll teach you how to destroy an angel /

There's nothing I can't get through /

I'll teach you how to destroy an angel /

There's nothing I can't see /

I'll teach you how to destroy an angel /

There's nothing I can't break though /

I'll teach you how to destroy yourself... /


End file.
